I tend to be more optimistic than the average person. In most situations I am always looking for the positive, or looking for the hopeful outcome. From hoping for the best possible results from a treatment for a disease, to how I am absolutely going to follow through on those New Year resolutions, and all the way to a hopeful suggestion in a team brainstorm. Ready for a weird flex? I was voted most optimistic in High School… and for as long as I can remember I have carried this optimism with me.
Growing up, I played hockey. I loved the extra gear that the goalies wore. When it was the time to decide if I would skate out, or play goalie, I obviously chose goalie. I seemed to always have a good team playing in front of me, but every once in a while a puck would slip by me for a goal. Being a goalie, it was helpful to have a short memory and always be ready for the next chance to save the puck. No matter how much we were down I would stick to the spirit of always having a chance, it was optimism showing through.
As I began to take steps towards learning how I am wired it all began to make sense. I am an ENFP, and also a 2 on the enneagram. The ENFP completely makes sense when it comes to this optimism. And since I want to help others all the time, I will tend to think that it is this same optimism that will be helpful! That I can come to the rescue with my “giddy optimism”, to quote Tony Stark. What I am beginning to pick up on is that this optimism is not shared by everyone, and sometimes that optimism can get in the way of helping students take their next steps. So I am going to try to think of how to navigate this optimism when trying to help someone else.
- Be Aware of Your Natural Tendency
We need to start off by knowing who we are and how we naturally handle conflict, problems, and other situations. We need to be aware of what our natural tendency is. Are you more naturally optimistic, pessimistic, do you take time digesting what you hear? Knowing where you land in this is important. Taking steps toward being more self-aware is very easy. There are so many free personality test that you can find on the web, and many other paid tests as well. Knowing how you are wired is a very important step towards knowing how you would most likely respond to a student.
2. Be Aware of their Mental Attitude
This is a similar concept to what is taught to our guest service volunteers. They are taught to match the energy of the student that they are about to greet. To do that our volunteers need to analyze quickly how a student is carrying themselves as they walk through our doors. For example, if a student is walking in a timid way, looking down at the ground, visibly anxious or nervous, the guest service volunteer should not jump in front of them presenting a big hand for a high five. Similarly, when a student opens up and shares a struggle they are going through, it is important to respond appropriately. For me this means that I should not always jump in with the optimistic response. Starting off a response in this way can potentially push that student away. If I know that student does not normally carry an optimistic mental attitude, then I need to be more intentional in my words and actions. It is always helpful to make sure we are practicing good listening in these kinds of situations. And remember, no matter what our mental attitude is or the student’s mental attitude, we do want to call the student to positive, and hopeful next steps.
3. Reflect
After you have experiences where students come to you with a situation in their life, reflect on how you handled the conversation. It is helpful to think through how you responded; your tone, your words, your attitude. Were you helpful? Too optimistic? Too distracted with thinking how to respond instead of listening? This is similar to watching game film in sports, you can only get better and in this case, more helpful, by reflecting on the times that you were helpful, and the times that you were not so helpful.
We never know when we will have an opportunity to help a student in our ministry. We should always be prepared to be helpful, and sometimes it starts with how we initially respond.
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